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Saturday, April 30, 2011

In Search of Serenity


We all know that there is more to happiness than finding a certain degree of serenity by reducing the stress in life, but it no doubt helps! While I don't think that I know anyone without a certain amount of chaos in their household, it does appear to me that some people are equipped with a built in madness meter which allows them to manage their lives and associated challenges in a more rational and productive manner. I always marvel at their level-headed approach to balancing such a hectic life without breaking a sweat. Do they just have a low-key relaxed personality? Do they meditate? Take Xanex? Drink? What is their secret? They must have inherited a calm, cool and collected gene, that's it, the DNA, of course.
Perhaps some of the above may hold true, because generally speaking, in life, there is usually more than one contributing factor to any state of mind or condition - including happiness! I truly do not believe however that removing all the stress in life would necessarily create happiness, boredom maybe, but stress can also act as a great motivator. Like most emotions, a certain amount of stress is vital to the supreme balance of things. How do we know what relaxed and balanced feels like if we have never encountered its frazzled foe?

The key seems to be found in the way we view our universe. I know this sounds cliche but the old adage about viewing the glass as being half full or half empty seems to ring true here, confirming that if a positive attitude can somehow overshadow its negative counterpart then you may have a stress-less era ahead. It truly is all a state of mind, not that this insight makes it any easier to realize in your own life! Some people seem to have the ability to take control of their life: as proactive masters of their own fate, rather than victims of their own self-designed failure.

Don't misunderstand - I must confess that I have never been known as a Positive Polly, and it is for that very reason that I was driven to understand why. I spent hours and days trying to figure out why God chose me to experience such challenges. Quotes such as Samuel Warren’s “Triumphs without difficulties are empty” however wise, did not really make sense until now.

Gradually, I started to take more responsibility for my misfortunes, writing in a journal each day helped me to discover how completely pessimistic I was. Sometimes you become so caught up in your own cycle of defeat that you don't even realize how you are sabotaging your life...as the years fly by. Then I had to slowly force myself to look at my actions through a more positive lens. And I do mean force! I have heard it said that it takes 21 days or so to break a habit, but I think it takes a lifetime of effort to refocus an attitude and learn to believe in yourself because it is a constant test, ongoing and continuous learning. When you view the stress in your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up with more effective, albeit creative solutions and feel more exhilarated rather than drained as you tackle these circumstances one at a time.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

An Excercise in Relaxation and Control-Don't Allow Stress to Run Your Life

Spring Evening - Advantage Winter!Image by bossbob50 - via Flickr
Take a time out! When life overwhelms, and upsets your balance, find a place to relax for a few moments. No, it doesn't have to be the Hilton or even a view of the sun setting on a gorgeous beach. For this exercise, one must tap into those creative images locked away in your mind. Yes, they are there, trust me! Maybe you can use your car, a quiet place in your otherwise chaotic house or find a secluded park in your neighborhood. Get into a relaxed position and begin an awareness exercise, feeling your toes, feet, calves, knees...all the way up to your shoulders, arms, fingers--pay special attention to places that you tend to hold stress, for me I tense up my feet and my neck. If you are unable to relax these parts of your body then tense them up as tightly as you can then slowly relax. Keep this up until you feel completely relaxed. With your eyes closed, envision colors, blues-all shades and tones, greens--all shades of green. Keep your eyes closed and just allow colors and images to freely enter your mind. This complete exercise should take about 30 minutes and you should slowly begin to return to reality with a more composed frame of mind. Takes some practice but I promise you that it can work to rejuvenate you! Another thing that you can do is to write down some of the imagery that you see during your down time. Sometimes very vivid colorful pictures are present and other times, it tends to be darker black & white shapes. It is interesting to try and make sense of it later. Like a dream, the important thing is how you interpret these thoughts and images because that are originating from a semi-conscious state, and they are significant to you for some reason.
I recommend that you practice doing this each day, whether it is after work, before bed, in the morning. It allows a more intimate relationship to develop with ourselves which gives us more control over our emotions. Instead of reacting negatively to certain stressful moments, try to get ahead of them, so you are prepared and have the ability to view as a part of life--it too will pass.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Hapiness Factor:Taking the Time to Connect

Every day we ask people in passing "How are you?" "How are you doing?" with the typical response being "I am fine, and you?" But what if someone happens to engage you in a lengthy conversation, outlining a complicated series of problems? Is that really what we want to hear? Usually not, although I think that there is a time and place for more than a passing smile, however contrived that passing flash of teeth might be. But how often do we take a chance -- and take the time to really connect with people unless there is a financial incentive at work or it is with family and friends that we already know?

There are of course many variables, and I recall an in depth conversation that I had several weeks ago with a woman in Starbucks, a complete stranger, who, after a casual "hello" went on to openly discuss her own abusive relationship and how she succeeded in breaking free. I was not in any hurry at the time and having had my own series of rather complicated unions I actually enjoyed our chat. After about 30 minutes, we exchanged cards and went our separate ways.

I must say that I left Starbucks feeling glad that I took the time to make this connection and I wonder, in our fast paced world of superficial greetings, How much are we missing? I am not saying that we should start up a relationship with every conversationalist on the street but perhaps we should walk out the door each morning with a more open mind. Possibly an effort to say more than just "Hi" an obligatory greeting that we probably won't even remember is truly the time wasting culprit?